Grown Folks Talk: Published on 9/22/23 12:01 AM: Where Things Are Now.

 Things are as they should be. 

This was a safe space that was out in the open FOR A LONG TIME. In plain sight. With pictures but very few names. The last year has changed that a bit. Not that it wasn't headed that way in some fashion anyway but not like this. 

It's time to make it all the way safe again..The next few posts will show that. I know that a man expressing himself is 'weak' so you guys will just have to deal with it. lmao Ole hypocritical 'Get therapy' ass mofos.. You don't get therapy if you don't have 'feelings' remember? Aight.. let me get to it.. 

Now that I've had to name and shame a person (and those in her cult..), there's an added pressure to chase that 'toxicity' for views that I had to quell. I can EASILY see how some of those dudes because a part of the 'manosphere'. 

Expousing hateful views on women all over. 

"Fighting the good fight in every corner.." 

Encouraging men to not get on dating apps, don't date single mothers and get their passports..

I see just how EASY it can happen. One REALLY bad thing happens and now it's 'women'. Not 'Not all women.." Just.. 'WOMEN..'. All while spouting off at the mouth about this 'unicorn of a woman' who does exist in some mythical land or time far away. 

The same way it has grown to 'Until it is no men then it is all men because...". You know, THAT BULLSHIT. 

I have the 'tools' do it. I know how social media works. Even if  blogs are so ''1990's..". The premise is still the same. I could get this shit POPPING. Make it my whole personality FOR REAL FOR REAL. Like someone thought I did with me being widowed.*

I'm not on that woman hating crusade though... Not because I need a woman to cook for me. Or provide for me. Or any of that jazz. Not because I need anyone, man or woman, to respect me because of my 'job title'. All that shit is a farce anyway. I can't eat your respect babe and all that shit means squat if your character is flawed anyway. 

Not because I have daughters. Or had a mama. I didn't just start feeling that way back in the late '90s..

It's just not who I am. I'm just not worried about all of that. I don't have time to hate women in that way based on the sum of my experiences and trauma bonding with others with similar ones. It does me no good. 

It just doesn't fill my cup. In any capacity. 

Sure, the SHORT term anger needed to be played out so I did that but LONG TERM? Making 'hating women' my personality? Fuck. That. Shit. 

No way was I put on this Earth to carry on THAT BATTLE. 

No way. I'm not wasting my time doing that. 

I'm also not wasting my time chasing a dream or something that isn't meant for me at this stage of Life based on some bitter ass people either. The ones who say 'Well, if you aren't in a relationship it's because you are the problem because everyone should be..". Way to project there Pouting Pamela/Pissy Paul.... 

I knew when I broke that relationship off last year that I was probably 'done' for awhile and maybe FOREVER.

I did it anyway. 

So proud and glad I did finally break that off. That shit was weighing on me like an anvil. I'm a strong person so I carried on but it was SO UNNECESSARY. All of it. I had NO BUSINESS trying to save it after 2017. None. Once she was kicked out, that should have been it. 

I had NEGATIVE business trying to save it after her unfortunate situation of getting caught stealing not only from the Softball fund at her main job that got her fired but her second job, where she also got fired. Lost cause. Should have been bounced..We'll get back to that later though... 

I'm a realist. I know what's going on in my Life. I see it. I'm living it. 

Way too late in this game, with the things that I take seriously like....you know.. raising my kids and making sure they are good. That doesn't lend one to have time to make up for all the heartache, disappointment and Fairytale dreams that definitely make up the demographic of the women in my age bracket. There are just some HURT HURT people in my age bracket and the age bracket JUST BELOW mine who are out here trying to 'get what they deserve' at the expense of everyone. I get it. Get yours! Just not with me Toots. I'm not here to put all my troubles aside to heal all of your trauma and make you the main character in this made for movie TV after you done fucked up your Life royally OR.. OR got fucked over. 

I'm not dating a younger gal so that's out. No babies here and who can BLAME them for wanting them at their age. I GET IT. Having one by someone who has PROVEN that he'll put his dreams and stuff aside to help you raise one too? Someone you get to call 'lazy' after he's done all the work you won't have to raising a child? Sheeiit.. I'd be going for that too. Why even put myself in that situation? Exactly, so I don't. It's not out of lack of options though.... 😜. 

I'm also not going to older sugar Mama this thing. I just can't do it. It's not in me. I, out of all people, can appreciate the kind of self bio I just gave myself from others and them thinking 'Welp, this is what I gotta do.." more than just about anyone! However, I can't do this. lol 

It's not fair and it doesn't look like it feels good. Money can't buy 'feeling good' although it can put you in places to feel good. Still, it has to feel good from the door. That situation isn't me either. 

Am I on the apps? Sure am. I know what they are hitting for now though. My last relationship, ironically, was from the apps. An era that was supposedly the last 'wholesome era' of apps. OKCupid to be exact. I'll use the apps for what they are for and fully expect what they will bring should I chose to partake in any activity there. 

That situation was partially MY FAULT THOUGH. I had the full chance to vet that person and decided to 'Get to know them on my own for once without others input.." BIG MISTAKE. Never again. This is why I'm not all the way mad at AWDTSG. Vet your partner. You never know what you might find out. Finances. Police records, Martial history. 

Had I did my usual background check on Cassandra**, I'd have never dated her. Ever. Might have had fun but would have NEVER have seriously dated her. I wouldn't have even needed 'testimonals' from her exes to have to decipher facts from fiction. None of what I said earlier in this piece even needed to happen. All I had to do was LOOK. Fuck. I'm STILL mad at myself about that one. That's why I keep talking about it honestly. That's just the truth. 

That said... 

There is no reason for me to hate, chase, worry about or entertain anyone. Especially one gender.  At all. All I have to do now is LOOK and trust what I see. 

My dating app bio literally says: 

"If everyone in your Life is a narcissist, please leave me alone. Ditto if everyone in your Life has love bombed you.. I am NOT the person who will be working through that w/you. 

I'm thankful for those bios that point all of these things happening to folks so that I can stay away. It's not my job to overlook such things anymore. 

I'd probably do those folks more HARM than good actually because I have my own stuff to deal with. I can't make them the main character. Here's the thing. 

This motto I posted up actually applies to both men and women all across the board in my Life!

Imagine that, getting fucked up people of all genders the fuck outta here? What a novel idea. It just happens to be on my dating app bio where I....you know.. date WOMEN. I won't get into the % of people in my life who are/were this way that I weed out but it does apply to any gender who fits the bill. Period. Another funny thing is the response I've gotten from women. It's been VERY VERY VERY POSITIVE. It seems I'm not alone in encountering these people. 

I don't need 'saving'. I don't need to be another thing on the list that makes their Life hell because everyone 'uses' them or because they have SUPER EXPECTATIONS as far as return value. I don't need to be their 'ego boost' or good deed. I'm CERTAINLY not their revenge on their former partner, their racist parents or any of that.**

I don't WISH ILL on those folks though. I'm not happy that, even if they are lying, those things are in their aura. At all. It's not a fun headspace to be in and if it is really happening, it's not fun to deal with. At all. .

I'm not out to prove to my former partner that "I've done better than them.." or that "I wasn't the problem...". I don't give two fucks about that shit. 

Never has been. Not my monkeys, not my show. @ her business. Not here to necessarily warn people about her SPECIFICALLY but if they happen to stumble across my shit due to her posting me up, so be it. Cost of doing business, free speech and all of that shit.. 

I won't be hating women though. Sorry about your luck on that one Fam. I know that's what I'm supposed to do here. Come join the dark side where we bash ALL WOMEN into oblivion for the greater good of man kind. 

Misery loves company. Both the miserable dudes who don't get to touch grass or women and the bitter women who hopes their peers aren't touching men either so they can comiserate with them. Or at least a specific man or two. Both sides of that coin can get fucked. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. 

I will speak on the ones that truly do fucked up shit. Just like I speak up on the guys that do truly fucked up shit like not take care of their kids. Rape people. Think girls 'owe them sex'. Have ego problems to the point that they have to threaten people to 'earn their respect and all the other bad things 'dudes do too'. 

*I turned down so many 'gigs' that would have paid me to tell my story. Paid me well. Even another CAREER, where they told me that all I had to do is 'Tell my story and watch the product sell itself..". Trust me, if I wanted to make being Widowed my 'personality', I can and still could do it in some capacity. A full one at that. I didn't. I tell my story but I don't really do that. It might come to that though so who knows! *shrugs*. Still my business and the best part about it? I wouldn't have to lie, steal or make up shit. It would all be strictly the facts. 

**I'll leave no doubt. 

**I mean, it's cool and all that you finally got your agency at the grown age of 30+ and you date who you want but don't be using me to make your mama mad or get back at your Daddy. This here is a different animal and while we are all human there are differences in culturals and lifestyles. I've had to live in 'your World' but you've only had to live 'around' mine at best. I have ALWAYS dated who I wanted so if this is new to you, I might not be the person for you. This isn't an intro class. This class requires a Doctorate or better. Not some little Rosetta Stone shit either where you dibbled and dabbled in college or had a secret boyfriend/FWB.. Ya know what I mean??